5 Things We’re Not Gon’ Do in 2022

Photo courtesy of BigStock/Tartila
Photo courtesy of BigStock/Tartila

What’s our motto for the New Year? No-effiing-more. Starting now. Here’s what we’re not gon’ do in 2022. The 2020s been bending us over for a couple years now—time to switch positions.

1. Allow straight guys to gay-bait us for profit

I get it: Straight men are hot. And they’re arguably even hotter when they’re dipping their hairy toes in the musky man waters. But you know what’s not hot? Pretending to be queer on social media for likes and clicks that translate to real-life profit. Because the likely truth of the matter is that this growing army of online gay-baiters are using that extra cash to take their opposite-sex girlfriends out on dates, supporting anti-LGBTQ+ causes (wittingly or not), and referring to us as cocksuckers and faggots whenever the cameras aren’t rolling. Are we gluttons for punishment? Of course we are. Why do you think we text our exes “You up?” every time we’re fucked up? Regardless, it’s time to break up with these no-homo narcissists once and for all. They’re taking us for a ride—and not the kind we douched for.

2. Live in fear of COVID-19

Guess whose business it is whether or not strangers are vaccinated? Nobody’s—and especially not yours. If you’ve received the vaccine, congratulations! You did your part. That’s it. You’re done. You can’t do anything else to prevent the spread of COVID-19 from anyone else but you. Accept that, and get on with your life—outside, in the world. This virus is here to stay, and all of us ought to start learning how to live with it.

3. Pay more while doing more

Prices are out of control all over the place, including the supermarket, and it burns my biscuit that not only is my wallet taking a beating but now I’m also expected to do the jobs of employees. Like cleaning up carts from the parking lot or bagging my own groceries.

What else is the cashier doing, besides scanning my items, if I have to bag them? That’s their whole job—just beepin’ shit across the laser? Meanwhile, I’m tasked with paying the bill and dodging the next customer’s purchases coming down the line before I’ve removed mine from the collection end of the belt. That’s not to mention that in California they pay 10 cents per bag, a fee that’s promoted as helping reduce the amount of plastic in the environment, but which is perhaps just another way for corporations to dig into our pockets. And that’s even if there are bags to offer. I was at a Walmart recently that had no bags to provide customers—the second separate store where I’ve encountered this issue—forcing me to throw dozens of loose pantry staples and produce all over my trunk.

This year, join me in my crusade to not do anything that somebody else is getting paid to do—unless we’re getting a check, too.

4. Allow toxic people to destroy our self-esteem

I struggle with depression and anxiety as a result of trauma—trauma that stems from my childhood, past relationships, alcohol and drug abuse, and various other contributors. While I’m in control of some of those contributors, I can’t control other people and what they say or do to me. What I can control, though, is their access to me. I’m cutting ’em off this year. Kickin’ ’em to the curb. Doesn’t matter who they are—parents, siblings, boyfriend, boss. I’m fed up. Had enough. Fuck with me in 2022 and you’re gonna get the boot right out my life. Take a similar stand (and stop drinking so much while you’re at it) and you’ll surprise yourself in myriad ways.

5. Pretend like everything’s okay when it’s not

Mental illness is a collective topic of conversation much more now than in the past. Open discussions with friends, family and professional therapists help alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety but it doesn’t remove them altogether. And that’s okay. It’s also okay for everything to not be okay, and for you to admit that. If you’re feeling down, let yourself feel down. But if it lasts too long, it’s your responsibility to identify why you feel that way and work toward a resolution or at least seek treatment. In 2022, we all deserve happy days to be here again.

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels

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