Leather Life: Song – “I Enjoy Being a . . .”

Happy Valentine’s Day! Let’s celebrate this Holiday of Love with some parody lyrics to a famous show tune called “I Enjoy Being a Girl.” In this column I will refashion this song so that it’s about enjoying being something else. 

“I Enjoy Being a Girl” is a song from Flower Drum Song, the 1957 Rodgers and Hammerstein Broadway musical. Oscar Hammerstein wrote the lyrics to this song, and they nicely encapsulate a 1950s-era stereotyped idea of femininity: “brand-new hairdo,” curly eyelashes, lace dresses, and the enjoyment of getting flowers, compliments, and attention from men. 

“I Enjoy Being a Girl” has been recorded by singers including Doris Day and Peggy Lee, and has been sung by many drag queens over the years. Phyllis Diller, on her 1968 album Phyllis Diller: Born to Sing, sang this song pretty much as written, except for adding a few Diller-type jokes. But then she added a twist by singing the last part of the song backed by some effeminate male voices, who concluded with her that they hoped to find a guy who would appreciate a girl like them.

Now, many years later, what would happen if I reimagined the lyrics to this song for other genders and orientations? For men, “I enjoy being a guy”; for men into drag, “I enjoy being a queen”; for those into puppy play, “I enjoy being a pup.” For the kink community, there are so many choices: “I enjoy being a dom, domme, top, sub, Sir, boy, slave,” or even—surprise!—“girl” again, although this time using “girl” in a leather/BDSM/fetish context, as in “girls of leather.”

But I came up with a word that, because it’s more inclusive, I think works even better than any of the choices I listed above: “perv,” which is short for “pervert.” In the same way the LGBT community has reclaimed the formerly derogatory word “queer,” kinky people everywhere have reclaimed the formerly derogatory words “pervert” and “perv” as terms of pride and endearment. We have even coined the word “pervertible,” which refers to an innocent-looking household item, such as a kitchen spatula, that can also be used for nefariously pleasurable purposes.

So, with apologies to Hammerstein (and to Richard Rodgers, who wrote this song’s music), I present the lyrics to “I Enjoy Being a Perv.”

INTRO:

I’m a perv, and by me that’s simply fine

I am proud that I’m kinky as the devil

That I’m blessed with a sweet and twisted mind

And my thoughts are the nicest kind of evil

When my sub has arrived I’m feeling stellar

As I think of the pleasures we’ll pursue

Down we go to the dungeon in the cellar

And we revel in the things we love to do.

VERSE:

When I’m at a party flogging

Giving someone what they deserve

My blessings I’m cataloguing

I enjoy being a perv.

When I meet a sub who’s willing

And it’s me that they want to serve,

Their manner is so fulfilling

I enjoy being a perv.

I flip when I get to do some fireplay

I rave when I dribble melted wax

I love doing bondage and shibari

But my favorite thing is swinging paddle smacks

I’m strictly a kinky kinkster

And my future I hope will be

At the side of another kinkster

Who’ll enjoy being a perv 

Loved a perv . . . like . . . me.