A Word In Edgewise: Learning, Friend by Friend

This issue’s “Books” column includes “The Old Man and the Queer,”a non-fiction account of whose subtitle, “The Transformative Story of a Retired Mayor and the Barber Who Freed Him From Bigotry,” gives a clearer indication of what you’ll find within.

It all started in 2021, explains the “old man,” Jeff Comerchero, when he and his son were given a surprise Father’s Day gift certificate for an afternoon at a men’s hair spa; a concept itself foreign to the pair, that promised the ministrations of a “Certified master barber, beard shaping and trim, and hot towel with a steam shave.” On arrival, father was handed over to an older gentleman, his son whisked away to another location, presumably into the hands of a similar, mature practitioner.

Comerchero admits the experience was relaxing, even pleasurable — something he might repeat. But coming upon his son, things turned topsy-turvy. This barber looked even younger than his son, was covered in tattoos, sported a nose ring and other piercings, and, most disturbingly, was of an indeterminate gender. Comerchero’s immediate reaction to this young person’s personal style was, “Repulsive.” But, focusing next on his son, had to admit that “whoever or whatever this barber was, he or she was certainly good at their craft.”

Back home, Comerchero had misgivings; “I never thought of myself as biased in any way,” he admits, “but my initial thoughts at the hair salon made me question that. Lying is a terrible personality trait, and lying to yourself is even worse.” And that is the focus of this book.

To contemplate any sort of change, one first has to be honest with oneself, to assess with a clear eye, and to be willing to change if not pleased by what one sees. Comerchero, a conservative, successful businessman, a retired City Mayor in his mid-70s, did just that. Then he returned to meet the young barber.

E.J. Radford, 23, Master Barber, also strove to put aside their biases and preconceptions about older, straight businessmen and what assumptions such a person might or might not hold about them. Raised in a strict Christian family, they had been scorned by relatives and bullied by schoolmates since childhood. At this point, they had no rosy expectations of this old man’s intentions upon his return to the salon.

Their back stories, hopes and misgivings unfold in their own words in alternating chapters, from childhoods to current lives. Comerchero had married (twice), had children, succeeded in various businesses, and then became mayor of their city; the younger, then known as Eli, struggled to find their way but persisted, continuing to study and train, achieving their goal of Master Barber.

Response at their book signings has been encouraging.

“What struck us as surprising,” Comerchero wrote me, “was that almost everyone at our signing events had some connection to the issue. It was gratifying that these mostly over-50 folks felt comfortable enough with the environment created at the events to tell personal stories. So many [shared] about a child, friend, a niece/nephew, etc., who had recently come out. They wanted to support them but didn’t know how. [These events led] to some wonderfully productive discussions.”

“Our purpose in writing this book,” concludes Comerchero, “was to touch people’s minds and hearts. Also, to give those in the LGBTQ community a sense of hope, in that there are many who care.”