Winona For The Weekend!

Ever see a grown woman have a meltdown? Not a pretty sight.

I was close to starring in that show all because of an oversight. Overnighting at the Alexander Mansion, a Victorian belle of a B&B in Winona, Minn., I set out on a pre-breakfast stroll and found myself down the street at Bloedow’s Bakery, staring at their signature maple-bacon long johns sans my wallet.

I’m happy to report that I did, however, recover a semblance of dignity upon discovering, upon my return, that the mansion’s breakfast—after a fruit parfait, after a Mexican frittata—culminates in a full-on ice cream sundae, complete with chocolate sauce, nuts and whipped cream. It’s a tradition, declares innkeeper Richard, who lives here with his husband. Okay, life is good again.

Like the Twin Cities, Winona sits astride the Mississippi River. But here, in the southernmost tip of Minnesota, the river is bounded by green-clad mini-mountains, webbed with hiking trails that culminate in a majestic lookout called Garvin Heights. (Slackers like moi can access its panoramic views via a paved road, too.)

The mighty river also can be enjoyed aboard a relaxing 90-minute cruise, wherein Captain Aaron points out its population of turtles and eagles, houseboats and barges. (Reserve at www.winonatourboat.com.) The river’s shoreline is lined with parkland aplenty, as is nearby Lake Winona, where Lake Park is anchored by a lodge renting all sorts of sports equipment. The park’s sweet bandshell plays weekly free concerts to appreciative crowds. Live music downtown at Peter’s Biergarten, too.

Water trickles through Winona’s art world, too. The city’s esteemed Minnesota Marine Art Museum, anchoring a pretty shoreline vista, is home to a cache of entrancing collections, including Fluid—an exhibit exploring the relationship of climate to human experiences. It also salutes the quirky, mesmerizing pieces by Judy Onofrio (don’t miss “Mermaid on a Sofa”) plus a show called Born on the Water, documenting the impact of slavery on American society and the ensuing contributions of Black and Hmong communities.

During the mid-1800s, Winona, like many a Minnesota river city, was propelled by the lumber industry—and that industry craved workers. The word reached Poland, and many a man set out to try his luck. Today that story is retold in the town’s intimate Polish Museum through colorful artifacts like decorated Easter eggs, wedding costumes, fancy tableware. But it also relates the darker side of those days, when some were brought here to be sold as slaves. Nearby, St. Stanislaus Kostka church of 1871 welcomes visitors into its bright, domed interior.

Another 19^th-century entrepreneur got his start via a traveling salesman’s suitcase of liniment and other home cures. His name was Watkins. Today the Watkins mothership building sports a museum telling the story of its growth selling cooking spices and extracts (it was the first-ever operation to offer money-back guarantees), its 1940s war effort, and annual Almanacs. A time line tracks its best-sellers, decade by decade. Shopping ops, too.

Winona claims title as the Stained Glass Capitol of America, and those artisans’ brilliant artworks can be spotted as one strolls through downtown. Step into Merchants Bank to ogle its Art Deco stained glass window walls and a local landscape mural of 1912. Another bank, WNB Financial, invites passers-by to view its magnificent stained glass windows created by Tiffany, shining amidst acres of marble (and even the stuffed animals hunted by its founder) housed within its grand Egyptian Revival façade.

A stop at the Winona County History Center fills in the gaps, starting with artifacts from the site’s origins as a settlement of the Dakota Nation. Amble, decade by decade, through the town’s history, including Civil War weapons and more-more-more stained glass. You’ll also encounter a permanent wave machine for ladies’ locks from 1930 (scary!); instructions on how to train oxen (children’s jobs back in the day); a pioneering TV set of 1949; and (fascinating!) instructions for bank tellers on how to thwart a robbery, including a loaded gun kept beneath the tellers’ counter; goggles and breathing device to outwit chemicals and gas. Check out the coffee cart stridently pushed by the ladies of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU), too.

Downtown’s main street sports six-plus blocks lined with red-brick storefronts worth a peek. Peer into Heart’s Desire for gifts and home decor, Green Thumb Artistry for gardening goods, Bumble Bee soaps, Music Mart (guitars, keyboards), Chapter 2 books, Rusty Bucket vintage, and Suola salt and sauna spa.

Shop till you drop? Time to drop into a restaurant for a pick-me-up. Smack in the center of the main drag, you’ll find Muddled Thyme, complete with a vintage tin ceiling, offering a trio of street tacos to accompany my Watkins vanilla-infused Old Fashioned. Or dig into an inventive pizza.

For sophisticated Italian fare in a cheery, contempo atmosphere, seek out Sapori di Sicilia, whose super-friendly patron turns out panini and scratch-made pastas, leaping from a traditional carbonara to a forward pesto-pistachio number.

Blue Heron Coffeehouse goes the soup-salad-sandwich route with great success, while Heirloom, ultra-casual, offers dining surprises, from a Greek salmon burger (plus delicious plain ol’ burgers) to gnocchi and tagliatelle. Benos, a deli anchoring an historic building, sports a 34-year history of pro sandwich-making. Nosh Scratch Kitchen, a vast and lively space, screwed up my order of lamb porterhouse chops but shone in its garlic shrimp and exotic mushroom starters.

For date night—or simply to snag pro service, a golf-course vista and superior food—Signatures is the place. Their lamb chops came dressed for success, and a perky side salad accompanies each entrée. Finally, did we, ahem, mention Bloedow’s? The destination is celebrating its 100-year anniversary of doing doughnuts right. (Don’t forget your wallet.)

Several wineries lie within an easy drive (no Ubers in Winona, alas). Elmaro, which debuted in 2014, is open afternoons for tastings, via flights or solo. Best sellers include the complex oaked St. Pepin, similar to a Chardonnay; La Crescent, a higher-acidity white with balancing notes of pear and lychee; Red Tail Reserve, its signature red, similar to a Merlot; and a sippable, summery sangria. Bring or order ahead a picnic to enjoy amidst the vines.

Small-town Winona (pop. 28,000) punches wa-a-ay above its weight. It’s a college town (three and counting), widely known for its annual Beethoven Festival (think: Joshua Bell, Yo Yo Ma) and Shakespeare Festival. Smart folks head south during quieter weeks as well, to secure better lodging and restaurant tables. To plan your trip, check out www.VisitWinona.com.

Gay/gay-friendly bars
No Name Bar—hosts Pride events
Two Fathoms Brewing—live music, too
Winona American Legion—aside Lake Park; popular with Festivals’ gay personnel