To Thine Own Selves Be True – MNPoly Insists That When Keeping Multiple Romantic Partners, Honesty is the Best Policy

The key to success, of course, is honesty. The field of endeavor where such success is, of course, keyed? Polyamory, of course. Polyamory is defined as “the belief in — or practice of — sustaining multiple concurrent romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.”

That unanimous consent necessarily creates an environment where one vital element dominates and defines. “There is a lot more honesty required between partners [in a non-monogamous relationship] and a lot more being vulnerable,” affirms Wendy (a pseudonym).

And if that observation sounds like the voice of experience at work (or at play), that’s because it is. Adds she, “I have considered myself polyamorous for eight-plus years now, and I have had multiple partners at a time.”

Such unrelenting forthrightness doesn’t necessarily preempt inconclusive conclusions drawn by an ignorant outside world, though.

“The biggest misconception would be that everyone that is polyamorous just does it to have more sex or people call it ‘okay cheating,’” Wendy notes. “It is, of course, neither of those things.”

If unchecked, these misconceptions coagulate into stereotypes. Wendy can all-too-easily catalog the most common of these: “People who are polyamorous will want to steal your partner or you have to have a ‘trouple’ to be polyamorous.”

Wendy’s lived experience, however, contradicts this unfounded generalization. “All the people I date are non-monogamous, and I date each of my partners individually,” she reports.

Trouble bubbles up within polyamorous relationships whenever this standard is not met. “Non-monogamy is unethical when you aren’t honest about your intentions,” Wendy insists. “I would recommend focusing on informed consent, where your partner or partners agree to you being romantic and/or sexual with other people and those other people also agree to you being romantic and sexual with other people.” 

The most personal of personal boundaries must, in this context, be drawn with the precision of a Wile E. Coyote blueprint — otherwise, unmerry mix-ups are sure to assert themselves. Elaborates Wendy, “Obviously, there can be a lot of nuances within the relationship and what each person considers ‘cheating,’ but that is why you communicate with each other.”

It’s a lesson for everyone, for anyone, but a lesson that too often goes unlearned … or untaught. “I feel monogamous relationships should have the same level of communication as polyamorous people do, but often fall short due to societal expectations,” asserts Wendy.

Those expectations aren’t the only obstacles to many-headed, many-hearted amoré … but overcoming those obstacles provides its own unique rewards. Wendy diagnoses: “What usually distinguishes polyamory is that one may fall in love with multiple people and have long-lasting, romantic, and loving relationships.” 

Such relationships are more common than most people might think, so much so that a formalized organization, MNPoly, exists to aid their furtherance. MNPoly’s Meetup page explains: “First, we strive to create a supportive environment that encourages the discussion of responsible, intimate, caring, multi-partnered relationships and related issues.”

That support environment might foster relationships larger than couplings, or triplings, or however-many-lings. “Second, we encourage our members to participate in the collaborative process of community building,” the Meetup page continues. “This can be through online discussion on our forums or offline through member-facilitated social gatherings.”

MNPoly serves a tertiary purpose, as well. “Third, we provide opportunities for members to participate in activities that can benefit the polyamory community at large,” the Meetup page concludes. “For those members that are able and wanting, we provide resources to help them educate the public about polyamory and relationship choices, as well as advertise our group’s existence in a public way so as to encourage additional members.”

All of this intention coagulates into a specific form once a year. “MNPolyCon is a one-day annual event that aims to inspire curiosity, challenge conventional beliefs, and cultivate a better understanding of non-monogamy and related topics,” Wendy announces. And Wendy would know: she’s not just a member of MNPoly — she’s also MNPolyCon’s event chair.

“The event is open to everyone interested in Minnesota’s non-monogamous communities and broader communities,” Wendy assures. People not part of the non-monogamous community could learn a thing or three while attending. The website aspires, “MNPolyCon hopes to promote non-monogamy education by fostering a more open-minded culture that accepts diverse relationship frameworks and encourages positive societal changes.”

Such education might take forms as rangy as polyamory itself. Honesty-fortifying panel discussions include themes that vary from the theoretical to the practical to the deliberately impractical, as indicated by a sampling of titles: “Overcoming loneliness & finding your own purpose,” “Intersection of queer spirituality, queer theology, and non-monogamy,” “Understanding attachment and trauma, and their impact on relationships,”

“Customizing dynamics using the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord,” and the ever-popular “Affirming my true self through collage journaling.”

Of course, love is, when done right, a year-round interaction, one whose north star is untwinkling honesty, as MNPoly professes.

“You can also join our social media groups on our website,” Wendy declares. “We have an active Facebook, Discord, and Meetup group where we discuss all things non-monogamy, local events, and more! Join the group, and check us out!”

MNPolyCon 2025
Mounds View Event Center
Saturday, April 5, 2025
www.mnpolycon.org