Stories of Love and Belonging from Queer Couples in the Twin Cities

Paul & Brad

On April 23, 2016, Paul Mateski and Brad Brockman met through a mutual friend at a fundraiser. Brockman was there to support a good cause, and Mateski attended because he wanted to see a friendly face.

Following the fundraiser, the pair stayed in touch and had their first date at the Minnesota Zoo.

What started as frequent visits to Brockman’s condo resulted in Mateski’s moving in a short time thereafter. Just over a year later, the happy couple purchased a new house.

In August 2018, a little over two years from the day they first met, Mateski planned a romantic proposal in the corner of the couple’s backyard. The setting featured a trail of rose petals leading to a picnic blanket on which Mateski stood. Overhead was a strand of white, illuminating Christmas lights with cut-out letters hanging from the lights that read, “Will you marry me?”

A bottle of champagne and a charcuterie spread awaited footside with Elvis Presley’s “Love Me Tender” playing in the background. Mateski felt the backyard was meaningful because it was the house the couple purchased together.

Although Mateski initiated the proposal, it was Brockman who took the reins when it came to planning and organizing the couple’s special wedding day.

Everything was on track for the pair to get married on the day that they met in April of 2020, when the global pandemic hit unexpectedly. After being forced to reschedule their wedding, re-coordinate all vendors and reduce the number of guests by 75%, the couple finally married in August of 2020 at the Calhoun Beach Club in Minneapolis with family and friends present.

“Being married to a man is no different than being married to a woman,” Mateski says. “We each have our own roles and responsibilities, just like any other couple.”

The couple has a 13-year age gap. Brockman’s family has been more accepting of both the age difference and their same-sex marriage than Mateski’s family.

The newlywed couple never got to take a honeymoon, as shortly after the wedding, Brockman and Mateski met up with one of Brockman’s cousins for dinner. Brockman’s cousin informed the newlyweds of a birth mom who was seven months pregnant and considering placing her unborn child up for adoption. 

After waiting eight long years for a successful adoption, Brockman knew this was the perfect opportunity for a child. His journey with adoption started back before he met Mateski and was still single. Not expecting to meet the love of his life, he had decided to adopt a child on his own and become a single parent. Brockman received multiple inquiries about adoption, but nothing transpired.
 
Once Brockman and Mateski were living together, Brockman left the adoption agency, and the couple together sought out adoption via the foster-to-adopt route. The couple had matched with twins; however, the match fell through just before Christmas 2019. In the end, it was word-of-mouth that brought Brockman and Mateski to their now 5-year-old daughter.
 
Today, the couple lives together in the western suburbs of the Twin Cities with their daughter and two 8-year-old Boston Terriers.
 
Their story continues as the couple looks forward to Mateski finishing his MBA and their hopes to grow their family through adoption one more time.

Kimberlee & Megan

31-year-old Kimberlee Littrel and 36-year-old Megan Anderson met on the dating app Bumble about three years ago and decided to meet for their first date at Texas Roadhouse. While waiting in the parking lot, Anderson received a text from Littrel saying she was nervous. Anderson replied that she felt the same way.

Littrel had been married before and was casually dating when she met Anderson, unsure of what she wanted at the time. Anderson was not dating anyone else and felt nervous about Littrel seeing other people. After some time casually dating, and even briefly dating another woman also named Megan, Littrel realized that Anderson was the one.

“I think that us being queer and different races has really affected us in the sense that we actively make an effort to find and make spaces for people that struggle to find their space,” Littrel says.

The couple noticed a lack of spaces for BIPOC lesbians in their social circles and decided to help change that.

“We have a really big group of lesbian friends but not a lot of BIPOC lesbian friends, so we tried to make a space for that,” Littrel says. “We made a community group that’s kind of open to everybody, queer, BIPOC, allies, whoever is willing to support us. We host community events at queer businesses.”

Both women say distance from family and difficult family dynamics have shaped their relationship.

“Neither of us have family close to the metro, and both of us have experienced a lot of homophobia and racism in our families,” Littrel says. “It’s not that I think anybody is doing it intentionally, but there’s been a big learning curve for both of us and our families about how to treat us as BIPOC and queer individuals.”

She says constantly having to reeducate others can be exhausting, even as it has strengthened their bond.

“A lot of our support has come from finding our chosen family,” Anderson says. “The group we mentioned has been a pretty solid support through and through. If we need a babysitter or someone to let the dog out, everybody steps up and helps, and we try to do the same for them.”

The couple also says they have support outside their immediate queer community.

“There are people who are very supportive, and it’s not even a question in their mind that anything is amiss as a queer couple,” Anderson says.

When it comes to date nights, Anderson says they are intentional about where they go.

“If the vibe’s not right, then we don’t go,” she says. “One of our tried-and-true places is Stanley’s in northeast Minneapolis because they’re so open to the LGBTQ community.”

They also cited Queermunity, the Pride Cultural Arts Center and Twin Cities Lesbian Life as important spaces where they have volunteered, built friendships and felt supported.

Last February, the couple got engaged, though the proposal did not go exactly as planned. Anderson organized a brunch with friends at a Minneapolis restaurant and planned to propose there.

“We had it all set up with a group of eight to 10 people,” Anderson says. “We went up to the host and said we had a reservation, and the host asked if we were there for the surprise engagement, completely blowing the surprise.”

The host apologized and comped their meal. Anderson says the moment has since become a favorite story.

The couple plans to elope in Las Vegas on Jan. 5. They also plan to move to St. Paul to be closer to Anderson’s daughter as they begin the next chapter of their lives together.