From ‘I do’ to ‘I don’t’: Resources for LGBTQ+ Couples Going Through Divorce

Forever is a long time. Finding one’s life partner can be a complicated journey for many, full of trials and tribulations that may take years to sort out. But successfully navigating those challenges is also what makes finding “the one” all the more special.

Every relationship comes with a unique set of challenges and strengths. While marriage is a common goal for many committed couples, it isn’t necessarily what works for every dynamic.

A decision that’s equally as important as the day a couple chooses to say “I do” is the day they decide to separate. In 2024, the divorce rate in the U.S. was between 40% and 50% for first marriages, according to modernfamilylaw.com.

PartWise is a divorce education platform founded by Kimberly Miller. The subscription-based platform offers 72 learning modules, explains 300-plus terms and concepts, answers 250-plus common questions, provides eight guiding quizzes and more to help couples better understand the divorce process in their state.

The platform offers a variety of payment plans to choose from, so users can work at the pace that’s right for them.

Miller, who’s also a divorce attorney, first became inspired to create the platform after having two clients navigating divorces come to her with similar misinformation about divorce laws in the state. She realized more could be done to help all couples better understand the divorce process, without taking time away from their normal routines. 

“What I really wanted to create was something that was not trying to sell services,” Miller says. “I am trying to build a platform that has a consistent voice and feels reputable and is providing accurate, helpful, educational material.”

The platform is purely an educational tool for couples to better understand the legal process of divorce and doesn’t try to sell legal services to users. It’s unique in the sense that individuals can work through the programs at their own pace, whether it be at 2 a.m. or in the middle of the day when their kids are at school.

Miller explains that the legal process of divorce doesn’t differ for LGBTQ+ couples and heterosexual couples in the state of Minnesota. She shares that about 15-20% of her clients over the past 10 years have been LGBTQ+ couples, and she emphasizes the similarities in the emotional transitions across all couples experiencing the divorce process.

One legal difference she points out is the marriage recognition timeframe. Same-sex marriage was only legalized in 2015 across all 50 U.S. states, with some LGBTQ+ couples being unofficially married years before the legalization took place. 

“A lot of the law does not account for time prior to marriage. If you joined finances prior to marriage, the law sort of doesn’t care,” Miller says. “So now you have same-sex couples who were not allowed to marry, and that is just a different dynamic to be under and something that I feel is not properly addressed yet.”

This makes it legally challenging for LGBTQ+ couples navigating divorce who have been living as a married couple since before 2015, but were not recognized as such by U.S. law.

Before the legalization of same-sex marriage in 2015, California adopted certain partnership laws for LGBTQ+ couples that other states, including Minnesota, didn’t adopt at the time. For couples who were recognized under different state laws or arrangements, this adds another layer of complexity as they follow through with divorce in Minnesota or other states that didn’t recognize them as legally together before 2015.

There are several resources in Minnesota for LGBTQ+ couples looking for support as they navigate divorce. 

Some options include consulting directly with divorce professionals such as lawyers, coaches and parenting specialists who specialize in same-sex couples. Community support has evolved drastically over the past few decades. LGBTQ+ divorce support groups and other online platforms are available to help. 

OutFront Minnesota is an LGBTQ+ support resource that also offers other advocacy initiatives, as does the Queer Divorce Club, according to Miller. The Queer Divorce Club also uploads podcasts and has support groups.

“It takes time. [Divorce] is an emotional journey and it’s a process, but people can get there and they do all the time,” Miller says. “And lots of people can get to a better spot at the end of the day.”