From A to Zee: Our Chosen Family vs. Loneliness

As America enters, perhaps, its final episode of “democracy” with President Trump at the helm, it’s important not to forget the value of chosen family. A chosen family is a group of people who intentionally choose to love and support one another, regardless of blood or legal ties.

Currently, a leaked budget proposal under review by Congress reveals that the Trump administration plans to cut funding for specialized services for LGBTQ+ youth through the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Since its launch in July 2022, the 988 line has provided trained counselors, often with lived experience, to support high-risk groups, including veterans and LGBTQ+ youth. The Trevor Project is one of seven federally funded organizations offering these critical services.

“Just this year alone, in January and February, it’s about 100,000 contacts with the line, which means that there are a lot of people who identify as LGBTQ+ who are seeking help,” says psychologist Benjamin Miller, adjunct professor at Stanford School of Medicine. According to SAMHSA, nearly 1.3 million LGBTQ+ individuals have reached out to 988 via call, text or online chat since the line’s launch.

Why the rise in calls? It’s not just one reason. The lasting impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic, increasing political attacks against LGBTQ+ people and the isolating nature of social media all play a role. But perhaps more urgent is the crisis of loneliness. In May 2024, then-Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared loneliness and social isolation a national healthcare crisis.

A University of Arizona study found that loneliness tends to creep in when people spend more than three-quarters of their time alone. Once that line is crossed, it becomes difficult to avoid the emotional effects. These feelings do not improve with age. For many LGBTQ+ individuals, loneliness intensifies over time due to family rejection, lack of a life partner or the painful need to hide their identity in senior living environments.

This is especially relevant in Minnesota, now recognized as a “transgender refuge state.” Many have relocated here for safety, often without a support network, leaving behind familiarity in exchange for survival. That kind of move, while sometimes life-saving, also increases vulnerability to isolation.

But we don’t have to be passive observers of this loneliness epidemic. We can take simple, meaningful actions to make a difference. Think of someone you care about: someone you miss, someone going through a tough time or even someone with whom you’ve lost touch. Send them a quick message and ask if you can talk for just eight minutes — over the phone or video — sometime this week. After that brief call, set a time to check in again and commit to it.

It might seem small, but hearing a loved one’s voice can be deeply regulating for both people. It’s a powerful antidote to isolation — even if only temporary.

I recently heard a quote that resonates deeply: “When people fall in love with your flowers and not your roots, they don’t know what to do when autumn comes.”

This beautifully illustrates the danger of surface-level relationships. “Flowers” symbolize outward traits — appearance, status, hobbies — while “roots” reflect values, character and emotional depth. “Autumn” represents times of change or difficulty. When relationships aren’t truly grounded in “what’s real,” they often wither under pressure.

Those fortunate enough to build deep-rooted connections know how painful it is to lose them. Whether it’s your fifth or 15th autumn together, those losses can be some of the most devastating. For others, watching such bonds from a distance can stir a longing to experience that kind of loving friendship themselves.

As a marginalized community, every life matters deeply. Losing even one member is too many. Last month, we lost one of those bright lights. Outwardly, he appeared to be doing well, but that wasn’t the reality. He left us far too soon.

Please don’t let the filtered lens of social media fool you — more people are hurting than you might imagine. Now more than ever, it’s time to reach out to those in your chosen family, and even those who aren’t, and schedule that eight-minute check-in call. It could truly make all the difference.

RIP: KG. We already miss you.