A Safe Haven For Trans Kids Found In Transforming Families

Hannah Edwards’s daughter, Hildie, told her parents she wanted to be a girl nine years ago. Edwards wanted a place she could take her family while going through Hildie’s journey and knew she couldn’t go through this without the support of others going through something similar. 

Enter Transforming Families, a community open to families who have transgender, non-binary and/or questioning children. The group offers a support system for those at any point in their child’s gender identity journey.

Transforming Families has been around for the past 13 years with Edwards being the director for the past two years. She said the best part of her job is being able to watch the families thrive in their personal journeys. 

“Trans youth who have grown to be trans adults are wonderful, amazing and deserve every opportunity they can get to access a life that is fullest of their potential,” Edwards said. “Getting to help parents and caregivers not feel alone in supporting their kid helps them be the best support that they can for their kid.”

Transforming Families has monthly meetings in four areas around the Twin Cities – Minneapolis, St. Paul, Eagan and Mahtomedi – with an online option as well. Typical meetings consist of catching up with group discussions to follow. Families are broken up into two groups led by parent and/or adult facilitators, according to Edwards. 

Edwards said the group size is dependent on the location, but meetings in Minneapolis tend to see 20+ families while the other locations can range from five to 10 families. She added that the number tends to ebb and flow. 

Jenna Fuchs, a regular attendee of Transforming Families, attends the Eagan meetings with her son, Cam, who came out to his parents when he was five years old. She said she came to Transforming Families because she didn’t know much about how to support Cam through his journey and sought guidance. 

Fuchs said Transforming Families has been there for her and her family as they’ve had to navigate the struggles Cam has faced at school.

When Cam was in first grade, he wanted to use the boys’ restroom, but the school would not allow him to do so. Their compromise was to have him use an “alternative” restroom, which Fuchs said was a storage closet with a toilet in the corner. The room had flickering lights, a hospital bed and lots of other random items, Fuchs said.

Fuchs said she knew she had to do something about this when Cam came home and asked his mom “Why do I have to use the gross bathroom? Is it because I’m gross?” He was six years old at the time.

Fuchs said she went to Transforming Families and asked other parents what she should do. People from the group told her Cam’s school could not stop him from using the bathroom of his choice, so she advocated for her child, Fuchs added.

Transforming Families helped Fuchs understand what language to use when meeting with people from Cam’s school board in order to make sure the school understood that Cam is a boy, according to Fuchs. She said she told the school board she enrolled Cam as the wrong gender and changed his gender to male in the school system. 

Despite there still being struggles that Cam faces, Fuchs said that it’s comforting knowing Cam has people who look out for him at school. 

“Seeing your child happy is unparalleled,” Fuchs said. “The joy that he had when he was affirmed in his gender has always been a beautiful and amazing thing.”

Edwards understands this feeling all too well. She said watching Hildie have no fear in sharing her story has been inspiring. 

“It’s made me realize that I can be brave and bold as well in sharing our story,” Edwards said. “Our stories change hearts, minds and lives.”

While there is so much to find joy in within Transforming Families, Edwards said there are always obstacles to overcome.

“We’re living in a society right now where parents and caregivers who support their trans youth are really being scrutinized,” Edwards said. “What’s been hard for me is trying to keep up with all the influx of people and finding a place that is safe for their families.”

Fuchs added to this by saying there has to be more education across the board. Many children do not understand gender identity, and being able to talk about it in schools would be beneficial, Fuchs said. 

“People always freak out like we’re telling kids to be trans, but we have always framed it as to folks, to schools, to community people that this is about teaching kids respect for diverse identities,” Fuchs said. 

Edwards said watching parents getting to support and educate other parents and having a safe place to share their feelings with others who truly understand what they are going through is the most meaningful to her. She added she also enjoys when parents are in a comfortable spot with their child’s journey and are able to lead groups. 

“That change to me is exactly why we do it because it’s going to create happy, healthy trans kids – having that support from their parents or caregivers,” Edwards said. 

Fuchs shared a heartfelt sentiment about how people can best support trans kids, emphasizing the importance of how we can all be a little better as humans.

“When people tell us what’s in their hearts, we listen,” Fuchs said. 

For more information, you can visit Transforming Families’s website at tffmn.org.