Yes, I Am a (Chicken) Breast Man!

On the Runway Section

The lovely people here at Lavender have given me yet another chance to share with you some of my thoughts and observations about losing weight, eating healthy, and coming to terms with a new me. Aren’t you the lucky ones! For those of you who may have missed my inaugural attempt a few issues back, let me provide you with a little back-story.

Just about a year-and-a-half ago, I was an out-of-shape, overweight drag queen with chronic heartburn, low self-esteem, and an unnatural love for Chinese buffets and naps. After working with a trainer, transforming my diet, and learning how to love myself in a new way (get your mind out of the gutter), I was able to lose 60 pounds, feel great, and save the world. OK, so the last one is still a work-in-progress.

This time around, I want to talk turkey. Actually, chicken. Specifically, chicken breasts, and lots of them. You see, I’ve replaced my unnatural lust for roast duck and barbecue pork with a pure and virtuous affection for the almighty skinless, boneless chicken breast. Yes, world, I am now a breast man. I even have a pet name for my new love: “chicky boobies.” You can blame that one on my mother. Growing up with her, I now have pet names for everything.

Before I begin trumpeting my newfound affinity for all things mammary, let me leave you with this, albeit obvious, disclaimer: I have a lot to say about eating healthy. The trouble is, so does everyone. I’m not a dietician, nutritionist, or Oprah-approved gastronomic guru. What worked for me may not work for you. As with anything, consult your doctor or health practitioner before you go changing your diet radically.

OK, back to boobs. Increasing the amount of lean protein in my diet was a critical part of the eating plan that my trainer and I put together. This included things like lean red meat, tuna, salmon—and, of course, chicken breasts. For the first couple months, I tried each of these, prepared countless ways. I learned pretty quickly what I liked, and what I never wanted to put past my lips ever again. For example, I discovered that if I were God, I would banish tuna fish to a fiery Hell for all eternity.

On the flip side, I fell in love with chicken breasts. Other than eggs, they are the most economical, adaptable source of animal protein available. I buy them frozen by the three-pound bag. One breast equals one serving, which makes it easy on those of us with portion-control problems.

I firmly believe that variety has been a key factor in maintaining a healthy relationship with food. While chicken breasts remain my staple animal protein, their adaptability means I never have to get stuck in a rut, eating the same dish over and over. Because I’m a busy gal on the go, I typically prepare a batch of chicken breasts at the start of the week, and keep them on hand. That way, I can just pull one out of the fridge, pop it in the microwave with some veggies—and voila, a meal in minutes!

To change things up, I alter the spices and seasonings. I’m in the grocery store rummaging through the spice aisle looking for new taste treats. When I don’t want a whole baked chicken breast, I’ll dice it over a fresh green salad, or make a simple curry to serve with steamed brown rice. I’ve tried chicken breasts in chili, soups, salads, and stews.

If chicky boobies aren’t your thing, don’t fret. Maybe you’re all about tuna. Godspeed. The key is, take an active role in your diet. I’ve identified foods healthy for me, and found ways to prepare them that are manageable, within my budget, and ultimately realistic. I no longer waste my time buying, preparing, or eating food I don’t like. I used to do that, but the result was always the same. The food would sit in my fridge and rot, while I was down at the Chinese buffet rationalizing why I deserved a fifth helping of sweet and sour pork.

Eating healthy doesn’t have to taste like torture in your mouth.

If you are a fellow fowl lover, and would like some tasty ways to prepare your chicky boobies, visit <>, or drop me an e-mail at <[email protected]>.

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