Out in the Stars
Horoscope for Sept. 12-25 Mercury retrogrades this period, creating havoc over our most carefully enunciated intentions. But don’t despair, kids. You will have plenty of opportunity to kiss and make up next period. Hey, don’t they say that patience is a virtue?
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20)
If partners have been a little critical, try not to initiate a discussion about it this period. Proud Rambos will not leave well enough alone, and will be tempted to do that one more thing putting the skids on any mediation. They say you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, so spread that sugar around, Sugar, and forget about the extra calories.
TAURUS (APRIL 21-MAY 21)
If your day-to-day job seems a bit more annoying than usual, chalk it up to retro Mercury. Try to delegate or defer the more detailed or cumbersome tasks. Queer Bulls are advised to take a break if they possibly can. In the meantime, expect some delays, frustrations, and hurt feelings caused by misdirection. Had enough? Take a loooong coffee break.
GEMINI (MAY 22-JUNE 21)
A certain fun activity is bound to have an element of surprise this period. So, gird your loins, and prepare for any out-of-control situation. You may not know when enough is enough. Optimistic by nature, pink Twins may find that they best can use this unpredictable energy to recharge creative juices. Speaking of juices, who spiked the punch bowl?
CANCER (JUNE 22-JULY 23)
Avoid any home improvements or repairs if you can this period. Gay Crabs find that their careful directions are either not followed or misunderstood. It is also not the greatest time to engage relatives in any serious or passionate discussions. They are not listening to you, and, truthfully, you are not listening to them. Try again in a few weeks, and pretend to be away now.
LEO (JULY 24-AUGUST 23)
I wouldn’t advise making any major speeches right now. Retro Mercury could impact almost any aspect of your debut from a mix-up in the date to a scratchy voice to losing your notes. Had enough? Give your oratory persona a rest for a while, while you allow your actions to speak louder and prouder than your words. Or is it “speak softly and carry a big stick?”
VIRGO (AUGUST 24-SEPTEMBER 23)
Retro Mercury tosses your hard-earned dollars to the free wind. Try to avoid any major monetary decisions until you can focus on the fine print. Queer Virgins are advised to lock up any loose funds in a safe place before it’s squandered on foolish or uncertain schemes. Of course, marshy Florida swampland is yours for the asking during this time. Good for mud wrestling.
LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 24-OCTOBER 23)
Proud Libras might avoid the limelight this period. First impressions may not come off as smoothly as you would like, and the gaffe potential is high. It would be horrifying to ascend to the center stage, only to find that your hot pink pantaloons are showing. On the other hand, you may become the pinnacle of fashion in certain circles…or not.
SCORPIO (OCTOBER 24-NOVEMBER 22)
It is not the best time to rely on intuition. Retro Mercury causes static on the psychic line. Your best prognostications can be used to wrap yesterday’s fish. Even your most carefully guarded secrets will spill out at the most inopportune time. Some secrets, however, were meant to be aired Out. Who cares about timing?—liberate and love yourself!
SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 23-DECEMBER 22)
Gay Archers should give pals an extra inch this period (although some may need a foot). Expect emotional communications to go awry. It’s even possible that platonic relationships can become stressed and strained to the breaking point. Thankfully, you will know when to step back, and take a breather. Next month, everyone can become best buds once again.
CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 23-JANUARY 20)
Retro Mercury can place even corporately successful pink Caps in a lowly stewpot, when their stray comments hit the boss between the eyes. This is fine if you are planning an early retirement, but not so good if you plan on becoming part of the royal executive family. Buck up, and take it for the next two weeks. You don’t have enough dough to retire just yet.
AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 19)
This may not be the best time to plan or take a vacation. Retro Mercury can send Aqueerians on a wilde goose chase (or maybe it only will be your luggage). Perhaps you would be better off planning a little quiet time at home, where you can rest and recharge. Seek and find some exotic adventures in some well-worn avenues. No names, please!
PISCES (FEBRUARY 20-MARCH 20)
Even shipshape Guppies can scuttle the love boat this period. Try not to become too frustrated if your best-laid sexual plans become a big goose egg. Remember that this planetary phase soon shall pass, and you’ll be back in the saddle again before you know it. In the meantime, may I suggest curling up in bed with…a good book and glass of wine?
© 2008 THE STARRY EYE, LLC. All Rights Reserved. For Entertainment Purposes Only. Lichtenstein’s blog www.thestarryeye.typepad.com covers everything New Age. Her astrology book HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For Lesbians is the best in tongue-in-cheek astrology.