I Saw You!

“I Saw You!” is the newest way to rekindle fleeting romances, and make up for missed opportunities. Saw him at the bar, but just couldn’t say hi? We’ve got you covered! Now, you can tell him, “I Saw You!” A Sugar & Spice production, “I Saw You!” results may vary, and satisfaction is not recommended.

YOU 6’0” or 6’4”, blond hair, blue eyes. Or maybe you were under 6’. Oh, you were brunette. Wait, I don’t think you had hair. I met you at a house party.

ME Charming Southern boy who lives in Uptown. No, not drawl Southern. More like Steel Magnolias-Southern. I probably made fun of myself for wearing man-granny panties (manties?). I promise my other underwear is cute.

YOU Said Minneapolis sucked.

ME Wanted to throw my drink at you the moment I met you. No, I don’t mean just the liquid in my drink. I mean all of it. Cup, straw, the whole shebang.

YOU Brought homemade guacamole to the party, but left your social skills at home.

ME Tried to be civil to you, but you were just too annoying. The Minneapolis thing really did it in. If you don’t like where you live, move.

YOU Pretended you were a rock star, but just because it says so on the energy drink in your hand doesn’t mean it’s true.

ME Wondering why I’m giving you this attention.

YOU Rattled off reasons you hate Minneapolis. Granted, I asked you to elaborate on why, but your opinions lost credibility when you entered a room full of strangers screaming “Holy F***ing S***! I just got __________! It was so hot! I mean, I just got __________!!!” (Blanks stand for wildly-inappropriate, sexual, and egotistical phrases, or otherwise-shocking remarks made in a desperate attempt for attention and/or further validation that you’re an expert orator.)

ME Wanted to dig my car keys into my eyes and ears. The act would have been less painful than listening to you brag about how much money your family has.

YOU Have a lot of money, but can’t afford to move away?

ME Just threw up in my mouth a little after reliving this.

YOU Did not make good guacamole.