Ms. Behavior: Horny Lesbians and Hostessing for the Mostessing

Dear Ms. Behavior:

When I told my longtime lesbian friend Jodi that I’m bi-curious, she invited me to come with her to a bar. It was an eye-opening experience. I like attention, but women were all over me, asking for my number, wanting me to go home with them, and just acting like horny college guys act.

One woman showed me the vibrator she carries in her purse. Another stuck out her tongue, showing me it’s pierced and said, “It adds to the pleasure.”  I guess I expected more from lesbians since most straight women won’t do one-nighters, for fear of looking like sluts.

I went to a different bar with Jodi the following week, and the same thing happened. Jodi said, “With all this attention, you could be sexually active forever!”

Are lesbians extra horny? What makes lesbians think that most women want a one-nighter?  Maybe it’s not as common with older lesbians, but I’m 27, and it’s really a sex thing with the younger ones.

–Curious but cautious.

Dear Curious but cautious:

It’s true that some younger women are more sexually assertive than the older, unpierced crowd. Many shy women have written saying they’d give anything to meet sexually assertive women.  Perhaps a universal movement has begun; just as certain spiritual leaders believe that world peace will evolve through simultaneous meditation, the advent of sexually pushy lesbians might be the result of thousands of unified prayers.

Just  how curious are you?  Curious enough to go home with a woman before you find out exactly what you’re being offered? Or will you stand in the curious corner and observe for a few years?  Are you truly offended by the attention of lusty dykes or just bragging about your desirability? Perhaps it’s hard to say “No,” to a sexy night with someone’s special metal tongue stud.

Too bad you didn’t include the names and locations of the bars you mentioned. Ms. Behavior’s mailbox will surely overflow with inquiries for directions.

As for your original question: Yes, lesbians are extra horny.

Dear Ms. Behavior:

I live in the middle of the country and I have both straight and gay friends. I can’t help but feel that these wonderful people should all know each other!  Efforts at commingling the two groups, however, have been like making Italian salad dressing:  no matter how much you shake it up, the oil and vinegar always separate.

Sadly, I feel that I have to put most of the blame on my fellow gay boys.  At my housewarming party, gay men spoke to women in the crowd only if they’d met them previously. If I made an introduction they’d skip off after barely a minute.  One of my bisexual women friends brought her male fiancee to the party.  The boys just ate him up until they found out that he was engaged to a woman.  As soon as they discovered this, they just walked away.  How rude!  The man wasn’t there under false pretenses — why should it matter whether or not he’s gay?

I’m not trying to assign every fag a hag, but when one is at a party, one has an obligation to be polite to the other guests, yes?  Must one be solely motivated by gender? My next big fete is scheduled very soon, and I’ve invited my usual mix of gay/straight friends.  How can I create easier discourse between the two?  What’s a veteran hostess to do?

-Julie, Your Cruise Director

Dear Julie:

Ms. Behavior would suggest that you give up being a control queen and instead become a sisterly example of love and light. Although you might fantasize about hosting the perfect party, where gays and straights would embrace and engage in witty banter instead of separating into two middle school – style cliques, you can’t successfully assert your will over your guests’ natural tastes and desires. Ms. Behavior agrees that it would be delightful if certain people would stop staring at the buttons on other peoples’ jeans long enough to politely greet other human beings, but it ‘s probably an unrealistic expectation.

A control queen like you needs to remember to try to change only the things that can be changed: You can tell your guests where to sit, what to wear, or where to park, and, if you’re very forceful, you might get them to comply with your sign over the chips and guacamole admonishing guests not to double dip. But you’ll never get the boys to talk to the girls if they don’t feel like it.