Ms. Behavior©: Haiku Advice

Dear Readers:

For all the years that Ms. Behavior has been answering letters from her lovely readers, her impulse has been to respond to questions in a very detailed manner. However, it is impossible to tell if detailed answers convey more benefit than simple ones. Does an analytical response offer more comfort, or is a short and to-the-point answer actually sometimes more helpful? Perhaps we’ll find out.

This issue, in an attempt to experiment with simplicity, Ms. Behavior has decided to answer all the column’s questions with haikus. For those unfamiliar with the form, haiku is a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of 17 moras (syllables) in three metrical phrases of 5, 7, and 5 moras respectively. (Let’s hope this poetic impulse will be satisfied here, and Ms. Behavior won’t find it necessary to write her next column in iambic pentameter.)

Dear Ms. Behavior:

I only have been with two women, so I don’t know what is normal.

My first girlfriend, who was younger than I am, always was really wet, to a point that seemed surprising. We kept a towel next to the bed to sop up extra wetness. The woman I’m with now is very dry by comparison, though I wouldn’t say she’s dry as a bone.

I probably shouldn’t compare, but sometimes, I fear maybe she’s not that into me. And then other times, I think maybe it’s just regular for her not to be so wet. She seems to want to be with me, so that’s a good sign.

I wish I had more clear information about what the lack of moisture means. I have been embarrassed to ask her if anything is wrong, and I don’t want her to know I don’t have a lot of experience.

I’m somewhere in the middle of these two women (in terms of wetness), but I don’t know what that means, either.

Anyway, should I be worried?

—Waiting For The Rain

Dear Waiting For The Rain:

Dry women need lube
Juiciness is easy love
Learn variety.

Dear Ms. Behavior:

My partner broke up with me about a year ago. I was depressed for a while, and couldn’t even bring myself to go out. I’m not into random sex or tricking, but over the summer, I let friends set me up on dates, because they insisted I get out of the house. It didn’t go too well, as I felt nervous, and just wanted to be alone.

Now, I find that I’m content with socializing with my friends. I don’t even feel the need to date. My friends are concerned about my lack of sex, but I’m not. When I feel the need for sex, I just watch porn on my computer.

This seems like a perfectly acceptable way to handle my sexual urges that is less complicated for me. The only downside—and I wouldn’t admit this to anyone else—is that I’m honestly a little concerned about becoming too used to myself.

Do you think this is a problem, or will it just pass?

—Dancing With Myself

Dear Dancing With Myself

Sex for one is sweet
Your own scent so seductive
You need a boyfriend.

© 2010 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence to [email protected] She is the author of Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.

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