Cultures around the world embrace the pomp and circumstance of weddings, and I revel in how a day can be transformed to celebrate the love of two people in ways that incorporate clothing, florals, venue, food, cake, music, and all things swag. You want a logo for your day? It can be designed. A special font? Pick it. Color schemes and party favors and photographers and a special vehicle for the arrival at the reception are eye candy for my marketing-loving self. I laud a well-done gimmick and there’s nothing so gimmicky in each of our lives as a wedding. And I mean that in a good way. Weddings as gimmicks grab our attention and pull us into the relationships of others, give us a stake in their lives and well-being, and hold us accountable as witnesses to their union. I just love weddings.
I’m sure I’m not alone in how I’ve internalized this idea that people have to sacrifice to prepare themselves for their special day. I’ve joked about how someone came out of the womb with a three-ring binder for planning their big day, they just needed the significant other to round out the experience. We agonize over guest lists and have fun playing laser tag with the scanner guns when we go to register for gifts. People are chosen to stand up for us at our ceremonies and they wear special clothing that we’d never ask them to wear any other day of their lives, but feel justified in doing so on our “big day.” And, for ourselves, we too often go out and find clothes that are aspirational…and change ourselves until we fit them, and not the other way around.
This is where I’d like to offer some advice. When you think of getting married and start looking at what your day will involve, try to embrace and accept yourself, as you are. It’s how your beloved loves you; who you are right now is who they want to marry, and that’s what matters. In these pages, we talk about how to pick out suits, how to consider trends, how to feel comfortable on your wedding day, and how to make sure you (and your hair) can last until the end of your reception. What we don’t talk about is how to starve yourself to lose the last 15 pounds to fit into the tux you ordered, we don’t talk about how to add reps to your workout so your arms look cut in that sleeveless dress, and we don’t talk about how you need to change to make your day perfect.
Instead, we have some excellent examples of how to make weddings work for you. Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter, Lizzie, talks about how to make your current budget fit for wedding gift season, stressing the importance of not stretching your money too thin. Mike Marcotte gives us great ideas for gifts as well as gets advice from Anthony Andler of Heimie’s Haberdashery about how to plan ahead and tailor what you wear for your wedding to suit you. Even greeting cards for weddings and relationships are dropping some of the stuffiness and getting real, as shown with examples from Papyrus and Emily McDowell Studio. And as far as the article regarding hair is concerned, not only does Sica at Fox Den Salon provide a safe space and wonderful hairstyles for members of this community, but some of the people who she chose to model her hairstyles are familiar to us as models and performers of burlesque; they are members of our community who are role models for body positivity and acceptance.
Wedding style. What’s trendy and stylish is being yourself and being comfortable for your wedding day. At the risk of sounding gimmicky, your union deserves putting forth your most authentic self for each other, on your special day and every day after.
With you and with love,