Ms. Behavior©

Dear Ms. Behavior:

I am a 35-year-old queer single female. I love sex and everything about it. I love talking about it, having it, and watching it. I’m always curious to learn more about it.

My medical question is regarding female ejaculation. I have taught myself how to do it recently, but don’t know much about it.

Where does it actually come from? What is it? Does it have a purpose? Why do boys love it so much?

My second question is about my friends judging me. I am a bisexual who prefers women, but still loves male sex. My straight friends don’t understand, and never take me seriously. My gay friends are always judging me.

I’m mostly wondering about my gay friends. It really hurts me, and I just don’t understand why they judge someone from their own team. I feel being queer is hard enough, but then having my own fellow queers judging me about my bisexuality makes it just that much harder.

Thanks for your help!

—Mandy K

Dear Mandy K:

Congrats on having taught yourself to ejaculate, and for giving new meaning to the term “home schooling.” Let’s hope your newly honed skill feels like valuable life experience, and will entertain you on rainy days when there is nothing interesting to watch on HBO.

A lot of controversy surrounds female ejaculation, but not a whole lot of research. If you do a simple medical literature search for female ejaculation, you’ll see only a few entries before the much more important topic of premature (male) ejaculation rises to the fore.

Here’s the scoop: The gush of fluid that is released during female ejaculation comes through the urethra. It’s believed to come from the Skene’s glands (also referred to as the female prostate), which are tiny ones on the anterior wall of the vagina that drain into the urethra. They’re located right around the area referred to as “The G Spot.”

The fluid was once thought to be urine, but microscopic analysis has shown that it consists primarily of PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen), with some glucose or fructose mixed in (perhaps to enhance taste).

According to “The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical of Female Ejaculate,” a 2007 article in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, “Biochemically, the fluid emitted during [female] orgasm showed all the parameters found in prostate plasma in contrast to the values measured in voided urine.” It goes on to conclude that “the so-called female prostate is an organ itself and the source of female ejaculation.”

Some people believe that female ejaculation is “new.” However, according to “The History of Female Ejaculation,” another article (2010) in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, this watery form of orgasm was mentioned in several Chinese Taoist texts as early as the Fourth Century; in ancient Indian writings in a Seventh-Century text; and by Aristotle in about 300 BC. So, it’s safe to say that female ejaculation preceded rock ’n’ roll, astronauts, and Betamax.

There doesn’t appear to be a purpose for this expulsion of fluid, at least not for anything obvious like propagation of the species. Perhaps, like female orgasm, it’s merely intended to be fun.

Some detractors of the “fun” theory will say that female orgasm serves to push semen up toward the ovaries, to propagate the species. Bah, humbug.

If your boyfriends love your ejaculation, that’s great. But does this mean your girlfriends haven’t liked it? Or are you saving it all for the boys?

As for your bisexuality, it’s too bad that your friends judge you. It’s bad enough to be judged by people who don’t know your particular charms.

Some gay people have trouble understanding that bisexuals really mean it—that their sexuality is really very fluid (no, this is not an ejaculation pun).

So, maybe your friends are judgmental because your fluidity is “other” and unfamiliar to them. They want you to “make up your mind already.”

They would rather believe that you’ll find your way to one “side” or the other, ultimately—that until you arrive at a destination categorizing you one way or the other, you’re really just struggling with internalized homophobia.

None of this is particularly kind. The concept of being on one “team” or the other (gay versus bisexual) is old school, and not in a good way. You’re in the unfortunate position of having to educate your friends.

Maybe one solution would be for you to hold workshops on Bisexual Female Ejaculation. That ought to stir things up in just the right way.

© 2011 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence to <[email protected]>. She is the author of Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.