A Word In Edgewise: Towards A Never-Ending Season to Be Jolly

While this will be the first 2020 “Edgewise,” I’m writing ahead, now behind, in 2019. Leery of predicting (cf. Cassandra) I’ll write from my present present.

For weeks—and longer—I’ve been deluged with pleas for money; some political and some charitable, several times a day, sometimes from the same sources. The math is simple. Six to twelve daily solicitations for a “mere” five dollars, could run $60 per diem, or $420 a week, for X weeks. More, if you choose “Recurring” rather than “One-time” donor. That’s your call. I have no suggestions of what to do with the lifetimes of personalized address labels accompanying pleas from the myriad needy, worthy groups.

But shoals of other money-sinks arrive in catalogues and online with outré, “must have” gifts and gadgets for loved ones and—You. So much you need to want, to give, to own. Santa Sirens promise all. For a price. Plus shipping.

If you hadn’t time in ‘19, use these bleak ’20 January evenings to stockpile gadget gems for Christmas/Holidays Future, birthdays, anniversaries, or the dark cornucopia of your guilty pleasures. Greed is a sustainable human proclivity, flourishing faster than kudzu on an abandoned barn.

Take the Kale Stripper. I sometimes eat kale but only recently learned I needed a specific implement to separate leaf from stem. Now, I do. Murmur to an unwanted caller, “I’d love to chat, but I’m stripping kale,” and your neighborhood creds will soar as they whisper your muscular young handyman “Kale.”

I personally lust for a certain programmable, rechargeable coffee/tea mug. Only a nickel shy of $100, an App will set and keep it to your desired temp.

Your giftee totes a water bottle? There’s a programmable gadget to attach that will sound to remind him/her to “Rehydrate now!” Lug not just the bottle, but a tag that nags.

Wearables: a bit of silicone resembling a snack bag clip that attaches to anatomical parts to relieve tension; Dinosaur Head Battle Gloves for hours of Jurassic fun; tabby striped knee-socks with little cat feet.

Are we genetically still hunter-gatherers? Whether fighting with tooth and claw on metastasizing Black Friday, or at home online, we still seek more, hoarding goods to display and impress others. Start early in 2020. And Vote.

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