2014 Holiday Gift Guide: Nell Gelhaus
I’ll admit it; lesbians are hard to buy for. Just when you think you have us all figured out, you realize we’re not that kind of lesbian, we’re the other kind. You know, with like, the camping and stuff. I may not represent every lesbian, but I’m a champion online shopper. Hopefully, something on this list should work for at least one lesbian you know.
Regular readers of my column should not be surprised. Everyone needs a Clay Matthews jersey, regardless of whether they’re a Packers fan or not. Trust me; this goes over real well with your Minnesota relatives.
www.packersproshop.com (Yeah, yeah, I’m sure the Vikings have a site, too.)
The last few years have been particularly bountiful in terms of the lesbian lit produced. Michelle Tea has given us Mermaid in Chelsea Creak, Alison Bechdel followed up Fun Home with Are You My Mother? and this year, the venerable Sarah Waters has returned to form with The Paying Guests, which did not disappoint.
$14.96 – $37.50
Amazon, or locally at Magers & Quinn Booksellers
It doesn’t matter the lesbian demographic, everyone will enjoy watching our hometown WNBA team put on a show.
Got a lesbian friend? Check. Got a lesbian friend with a dog? Double check. Got a lesbian friend whose furniture you can’t sit on because it looks alive? Check, check, check. Dog, cat, or small rodent, the Furminator is the lesbian pet’s best friend.
$37.99 – $72.99
Deluxe Mini Kegerator & Draft Beer Dispenser
Do I need to explain? While full-size kegerators run upwards of $500, this mini version is more affordable, and oh-how-cute. It uses such a small amount of counter space it can even be slyly slipped in next to your wife’s KitchenAid Mixer.
Otterbox Commuter Wallet
The best gift I’ve ever received is probably the best gift I could ever give. God forbid those of us that are less feminine are weighed down by something as cumbersome as a purse. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost my ID or check card while they float loosely in my pockets. I’ll be damned though if anything were to ever happen to my smartphone! The genius gift? The commuter wallet. Phone case and wallet all rolled into one. You won’t be disappointed.
$39.90 – $49.90
Who doesn’t want to unleash their inner Joan Jett? Their inner Tegan & Sara? Melissa Etheridge?! We lesbians worth our salt can prove it in front of the microphone. Just so long as we get plenty of practice in the privacy of our own home. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
Camp X Chair
You can’t go wrong with this one. Your lesbian friend likes camping? Covered. Your lesbian friend sings around a bonfire? Good to go. Your lesbian friend cheers at a lot of summer softball games? Buy this, now. It has a beer holder and a handy carrying case.
Small Batch Starter Kit
Who doesn’t dream of inventing Minnesota’s next champion brew? Pretty soon you’ll be opening up your own storefront and passing out growlers to the masses. It starts in your own basement.