Sex Talk: Giving Head

Sure, anal sex has assiduous adherents, and mutual masturbation makes many men come. But there’s no doubt: Going down is number one on the homosex hit parade. As one fellatio-centric fellow says, “Everyone I know likes to give head.”

One might seek explanations from fellows like Freud: Shrinks used to claim that gay men were emotionally arrested, stuck at the phase of orality. And prudes might protest it betrays a homosexual hunger for masculinity that can never be fully fed. But perhaps our fellator has a more compelling clarification. Says he, “It’s amazing to be able to wrap my lips around a stiff one, to give another man all that pleasure. It’s just delicious, and sucking a shaft makes me feel so connected to the man it belongs to. No, there’s just no better feeling than giving head…except maybe getting blown by an expert like me.”
He continues, “Listen, I love men’s meat. You might say I’m a connoisseur. And though no two of them look identical, or feel the same, the best way to appreciate each one is to get it in your mouth.”
Penis-on-the-palate has practical advantages, too. Compared to anal sex, going down is a no-muss, no-fuss option. It can be engaged in anywhere, from a beautiful bedroom to the backseat of a Buick. Undressing’s not required—just unzip and you’re ready to go. There’s no lube needed, and clean-up is a breeze, especially if swallowing’s involved. And though fellatio’s not free of risk, it’s considerably safer than buttsex—particularly when it comes to HIV. (Though, if you want to avoid nasties, including syphilis and gonorrhea, using a condom’s not a bad idea.)
Then, too, it’s one of those “anyone can do it” activities, though not without rare exceptions. No matter how enthusiastic, some suckers just don’t cut it. Recalls one man, “Some guys—like me—are born with big meat, others with small mouths. And one buddy who loved to suck me just couldn’t keep his teeth out of the way. Pity, really. Eventually, I stopped returning his e-mails. I guess that’s cruel, but who wants to get bitten?”
With sufficient relaxation and some attention to breathing, most men can become proficient pole-smokers. But not all. Our well-endowed fellow confesses, “Actually, I’m not much good at deep-throating, myself. But when I get sucked, I prefer guys to suck more shallowly and focus on my head, anyway.”
Fellatio’s also a no-erection-required activity. Skilled sucking is an excellent way to coax a reluctant shaft to stiffness…though it’s even fun with a soft one. And guys who can’t get it up, or who have just shot their wads, can still have fun going down. The fellatio-centric fellow says, “In a way, I like sucking guys more when I’m ignoring my own crotch. Whatever physical sensations I might miss are more than made up for by the mental pleasures of being totally focused on servicing another man.”
And the well-endowed man’s happy to do his part. “Sure,” he says, “I want my partner to enjoy himself. But many of the men I play with seem perfectly content to concentrate on getting me off…which suits me just fine.”
Indeed, when it comes to going down, the difference between “top” and “bottom” gets fuzzy. Penetration aside, who’s really the active one, who’s really in control? There are suck scenes where vigorous face-humping is the order of the day, but in lie-back-and-enjoy-it sessions, the sucker may be doing all the work. And those roles become irrelevant in 69-ing, where two dudes simultaneously suck and get sucked.
Gay guys whose specialty is getting into ostensibly straight men’s pants often give thanks for fellatio. Confides a het-chaser, “Lots of straight men may be grossed out by anal sex, and they may not even want to touch another guy’s penis, but every last one of them loves to get sucked off. And because I know firsthand how it feels to be blown, I bet I give better head than any girl.” He smiles. “Or at least that’s what a bunch of married men have told me.”
Say what you will about speaking in tongues, when it comes to queer guys, giving head is the universal language, and for most of us, a throbber in the throat never loses its thrill. So, whether you swallow or spit, have given head to one man or a hundred, if meat in your mouth turns you on, join the gay majority. And open wide.
Simon Sheppard is the editor of Homosex: Sixty Years of Gay Erotica, and the author of Sex Parties 101, Kinkorama, and In Deep: Erotic Stories, and can be reached at [email protected]. Visit Simon at

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